genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
