I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
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come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
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And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
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