Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
