1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
