It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
