the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize