Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
