remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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