Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
