Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
