I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
