there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
you didnt know i had herpes?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize