i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
