Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
