are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize