I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i believe in u and ur pee
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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