You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
