He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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