Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
