I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I think my moral compass just broke
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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