Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
just tell him i said nine months
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
