I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
