Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
