Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
