If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
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tequila makes me forget i have legs
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
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We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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