I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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