Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
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