kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My feet surprised me
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
