We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
