Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
