I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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