MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
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