I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
