if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
