Betty ford says i'm here all night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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