i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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