I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
