wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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