Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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