haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Randomize
