Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
