My hand turned me down
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
