Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
