Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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