There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
