Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
