the condom got lost in my hair
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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