Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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