i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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