Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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