party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
