You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
