Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
