There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
