wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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