I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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