Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
