did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
