I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
