My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
